Category Archives: Doomsday scenarios

Doomday: The governments have let us down on this emotional day

False_AlarmIt saddens me to see the lukewarm response to Doomsday by authorities around the world. One would have expected declaration of public holidays, advances and gifts to public, say, in form of announcements of tax holidays, or any other gesture that would have shown that our governments were concerned about our existence. But no. Not a finger was raised by them to mark what we all knew to be the only possible day when a spectacular end might come.

That the world did not end, and will not end so soon, is not the point. What matters is the gesture, the show of empathy towards citizens, which was, as I said, totally missing.

Here is a list of people who really let the world down on 21st December 2012 – let it be on record for ever:

  1. The national governments. The politicians respond to all silly emotions of every little group or vote-banks. But where all humanity was involved, what did they do? Nothing. Not a whimper of ‘See you there’, ‘Hope you reach heaven safely’, ‘Happy after-life’ or any such message came from any PM or Prez. What faith will I now have in their Happy Christmas and Happy New Year messages now?
  2. The United Nations. What is the UN there for? Beats me. Created after the World War to see to it that the world is safe and united, the body does bloody nothing when there is a possibility of a crisis. It behaved exactly how it is shown to behave in all Hollywood apocalypse movies – with total apathy. Again, it is no use arguing that they did not believe in the prophesy. The entire point is, and I will repeat that any number of times, to show solidarity, and not to do anything. In any case, had a real calamity stuck mankind, UN would have been the last agency to be able to do anything about it.
  3. The US president. Shedding croc tears on the mass killings in a school, and not doing anything about the gun laws is about as much as the guy can do. What was he expecting – if the world had ended, was he planning to shed tears after the event? In heaven? I believe a short statement assuring the Americans that he will be with them when the world ends, would have been in correct taste.
  4. The celebrities and the rock stars. Although the end of the world would have hurt the prospects of the page 3 crowd much more than the others, given the fact that this sad lot would have ended up in hell, it is still no excuse for not planning an apocalypse road-show or concert. At least such a concert would have helped us thank destiny for saving us from the celebs.
  5. NASA. For the last few days NASA is basking in undeserved glory, issuing statements running down the prophets of doom. So much of free publicity that body got, and not a sign of thankfulness. It can still issue a gentle reminder that all hope/nightmare is not lost and that the world still sits on nuclear stockpiles, rising temperatures, climate imbalances and acute inequalities – any of which can prove fatal for the blue planet any time.

Anyway, the world has become immune to the insensitivity of the governments and spouses. In the morning it was breakfast as usual, and not ‘Love, let us have something special today, for it might be our last day together.’ Not in the sense of celebration, let me correct the notion, but in a sensitive, emotional sort of way.

What we can do is celebrate another long stretch of modern living that we are doomed to have, by passing snide comments and berating our pet hates. Which, alert readers would have noticed, is what I just did in this article. I feel much lighter. It’s your turn now.

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Post Doomsday: be prepared for the worst

images-1_0So you messed up by believing in the doomsday and did not go to office. What? You also used some choicest language with your boss, when he called you up?

Although D-day is still a couple of days from now, for me it is time to prepare some excuses for you for 22nd.

And no, it does not make me any the less believer than any of you, but, unlike the other preppers, I am preparing for life (not death) post 21st.

So here goes the first, and tentative, list of excuses for the boss for 22nd:

  1. Ha, ha. I did peck you up on a depressing day, didn’t I?
  2. I was told by my astrologer to misbehave with the person I respected most. He said going against your instincts is the only way to ward off disaster. I think it worked.

Anyway, the exact phrasing of the excuses will depend on what you had said, but the basic idea is to appeal through emotions or humor, whichever is your strong point.

Now that the Mayan calendar will be out of the way, the soothsayers will have to go back to Nostradamus or Nibiru. Business as usual. Do you believe that they would be remorseful, and change their ways? Not a chance. Do you feel they would hide in the Andes, fly from the public wrath? No. They would be saying something like – “I told you so. It was all bogus. I know the world is going to end NEXT APRIL….”

Coming to life in general, give a thought to the empty coffers and hangovers on 22nd. No use blaming the Mayans – one, they are not around, and second, they never predicted anything. Only one of their calendars ended on a particular date. It is like, on 31st our calendars end, so we should assume that the world will end that day. Right?

Life will go on with its pollution, inequality, misery, insensitivity and with threat to everything that is nice and wholesome. The end will come, eventually, but it will be a slow and painful end. Hopefully the end is still some centuries away. The way to prepare for life is to create a cocoon of happiness around you, and hope sufficient number of like-minded people will gravitate towards you and create a small biosphere of goodness.

Anyway, to cheer you gloomy lot up, here are some D-day jokes that I thought of, posted on the FB, and nobody noticed.

Doomsday mini questionnaire:
With whom would you like to spend your Doomsday?
a) Spouse – so that you don’t feel any difference
b) Boss – to tell him some facts of life
c) TV – committed till the end
d) Alone – to think of things not done

 

What would you do on Doomsday?
a) Check bank account
b) Update fb status
c) Tweet your feelings
d) Pray

The last Tweets–
Indian: Did Sachin retire?
Israeli: The Arabs are doing this
Pakistani: Did we do that?@#$

On reaching heaven, the first words–
Indian asks God: Did you get all the sweets I used to offer? (No harm reminding Him of the investment.)
Arab asks the Houri: Why are you not wearing a Burqa?
American: Where’s the beach?
Israeli: Where are the Palestinians living?
Bush: Where is Saddam?
Osama: Where is Obama?
Bill Gates: What’s Steve (Jobs) upto?

 

Reading such horrendous jokes makes you wonder whether doomsday was really such a bad idea, doesn’t it? Weeeelllll, you do have a point there.

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Doomsday: The endgame

With great expectations, or let us say, apprehension (for we must be politically correct at all times) the world approaches an important date – 21st December 2012. Not only is the reputation of Mayan calendar makers at stake, the credibility of the entire astrology-soothsayer-spiritual-celebrity complex is under the spotlight. They have thrown their weight behind the doomsday, and would rather die than see it fail.

Everyone is suspicious of the solar system, but I wonder why. It has served us well during our short history. It has been around for millions of years, and yet, many of us feel it is unstable and will spring a surprise on us one of these days. On 21st of this month, for instance.

Some speak of mysterious planet/s, some of solar flares. No one really believes the gobbledygook of the astrophysicists and scientists, who, frankly, believe in nothing. No one trusts their multi-million dollar telescopes. They may claim to see galaxies billions of light years away with their telescopes and by calculating the red-shifts and what not, but we feel they are most likely to miss planets in our neighborhood.

Our suspicion also falls on the earth’s crust, and its faults. It has the ability to conjure up quakes and tsunamis at will, and behaves like a spoilt child at times. But does it have the firepower to totally self-destruct?

I personally feel we humans possess the power to cause a lot of damage to ourselves. But are we on a verge of collective madness?

Disease and pestilence, those biblical scourges, also operate pretty effectively in short run. Before it is tamed, an infectious germ can cause a lot of damage. Diseases are not glamorous, and definitely not Hollywood material, but you never know with medical science. People never really had too much faith in the doctors knowing much – and it is not surprising that most people now rely on google for diagnosis. The point is, that if a sudden and new strain of viral/bacterial infection starts to afflict the world, the doctors and the patients would waste their time googling for cure, and by the time the authorities get down to funding the actual research, it might be too late.

But UFOs are the most likely agents for an unlikely end, in my humble opinion. Consider the facts- aliens do not love us, and may have extraordinary weapons. They may even want to clear the planet for occupation, like some people did with the red-Indians.

And when I say facts, I mean facts. Can anyone seriously say aliens love us? Even if you disregard movies like ‘Aliens’, in which we can clearly see them exhibiting a great degree of hostility against us, do you have any proof that they love us? If they did, would they not have extended a hand of friendship? Would they not be watching our movies and complaining that they are not as bad as they are shown in the movies?

No, I must say it like it is – the aliens do not have our best interests in their hearts, and can cause mischief on 21st December. In fact that was the intelligence that the Mayan Secret Service must have gathered, and that is where we must guard ourselves.

So, let us take out our tents, and our binoculars, and our shotguns. And let us light a fire, and have some coffee and wait for the @#$%^&. And yes, I almost forgot, since we will be on a vigil to save the world, let us apply for a holiday for the rest of the month.

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Doomsday scenario: In true perspective

Some shallow people have jumped to the conclusion that Hurricane Sandy is the start of the Doomsday show. They cite the movie 2012, as being prophetic.

Poor fools. What do they of Doomsday know, who only of Doomsday know.

[An aside: We are doomed if we have to continue to live. Here. In hell. In the way that we do.

This old joke makes the point better:

An old man and his wife die and reach heaven. Heaven is sensational – fairies and flowers and good days till eternity.

The old man gets raving mad and starts shouting at his wife.

The angels are worried and ask him, ‘Sir, what is the problem?’

‘Nothing,’ says the old man, ‘this woman made me exercise and live a life of purity so I lived till 90. I could have reached here 40 years earlier, if I had not met her@#$!’

The only assumption in this joke is that we would actually land in a place called heaven.

But assuming there is a better place than earth, it would be pain silly to stick to this oil slick infested, Lady Gaga and Justin Bieber infested, mosquito infested, power-doped world.]

But back to the main subject – the theory that Sandy is Act One of D-day. I do not think so. It is too localized, in real global terms, and as far as Hurricanes go, not big enough. Like Hollywood and CNN, Sandy thinks New York is the world.

The prowling Mayan and Inca agents, who did regular rounds on my blog (see earlier posts), have gone missing. Instead, there are lot of American tourists – eager, full of money (I presume), but with little knowledge of Doom – who are visiting my doomsday pages these days. They are looking for decent ideas for upper-middle class type Doomsday – something like Sandy, in fact.

Had these people paid attention to Bible, and its description of plagues of Egypt, they would have realized, doomsday is a serious business – not a CNN coverage of Iraq war. It is more like Vietnam and Afghanistan. Doomsday is not likely to be TV friendly – it would unfold slowly and painstakingly, the way great empires fold up and give way to barbarians.

The signs are there, and have been there for some time now, that the western civilization, and liberal-democratic world order for that matter, would give way to barbarians in the coming decades. And that would spell a doom for the world as we, on the internet, know it.

I would not speculate who the barbarians would be this time. It could be the right wing fanatics of the capitalist kind, or the right wing of the Church or Mosque kind.

But there is time yet, to push back the hordes to another age. Let the Doomsday speculation lead to genuine introspection on climate change. Let it make us think again on religious intolerance. Let us take slogans on sustainable living seriously. Let 21st December be a doomsday for those habits of 20th century that have outlived their use. Let us not hide the alternate-to-petroleum-technologies from the world. Let us not get bullied by dictators or fooled by the bankers. Let us not take the fashion of Paris Hilton and Lady Gaga seriously.

Let us not forget that for majority in the poor world, Doomsday would in fact be a day of deliverance from injustice and pain.

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Doomsday scenario: Invitation to a picnic

The following advertisement, published a few days ago, had caught my attention:

“The Extreme Right Wing Association invites likeminded people for a Doomsday picnic on 21st December, 2012.

The interested people may contact xxxxx at xxxxx for bookings.

Kindly note, the seats are limited and there shall be a selection process, the details of which will be made available on request.

Needy candidates may apply for a fee waiver, along with a lack-of-income certificate.”

I contacted xxxxx, and applied for the picnic, with the sole aim of getting to know what mischief was afoot.

In hindsight, it was a big mistake. I seriously believe my doomsday is likely to be earlier than the date of the picnic.

The ERW Association is rightly named – it is far too much to the right of sanity. It is a collection of hard boiled devotees of all major gods of the world. Their passion and faith brooks no logic or argument. (Incidentally, that was the first test in a series to determine the suitability of the candidate for the picnic – but more of that later.)

The location of their headquarter is New York city, near the UN building. But they have branches all over the world.

They have adequate finances – and are patronized by the dictators and the democratic leaders alike.

But enough of the organization. Let’s come to the picnic part.

The organization has faith in the ultimate destruction of mankind, but is not too sure of the Mayan-calendar-end date. So that the members may not feel too let down by a non-event on the D-date, the leaders of the organization felt that a picnic would be good diversion to keep the flock happy and together on a potentially important date.

The process of selection of candidates is on, but I have found that the quotas for major religions are already full, and only some seats are left for the people of religions like Zoroastrian, Babhai, Navajo, Candomble, Chinese Folk Religion, Dayak, Eskimo and Cheremis and some for the new religions such as Cao Dai, Ikuantao, Wicca, and Scientology.

What the association plans for this picnic is interesting. There shall be hate speeches, suicide bombing shows from around the world (this shall be organized live and will be seen on giant TV monitors), workshops to exchange ideas on worst social practices, bonfire with burning of bleeding-heart liberals (or their effigies, I presume), gladiatorial shows and many other such activities.

Provision has thoughtfully been kept for celebrating the unlikely event of a real Doomsday happening on that date, with permission to picnickers to indulge in rape and murder in non-picnic areas.

My trouble started when I passed the first test – that of believing passionately in the existence of God. The second test, to demonstrate my hatred for the non-believers was also almost up-to the mark. It was the third paper where I did poorly – where they test your hatred for people of other religion.

I got a call from xxxxx, when the result of the third paper was declared.

“Are you a phoney or something,” he accused, angrily.

“W..Why?” I asked.

“For a person who is supposed to be such a passionate believer, how come you say you can tolerate other religions?” he asked.

I had no answer to that one. From then on I was a suspect in the eyes of the organization.

By now I know too much about them – but that is not my fault. After I did well in the first test, they sent me lots of catalogs about their work around the world, and their plans for the future. They had jumped the gun – the barrel of which is now pointing directly at my skull.

I now have to prove my innocence – just like the Afghan youths, or the Congo tribals caught in the middle of a civil war – by doing something bad to a person of another religion. And bad here does not mean throwing ink on their white robes.

So you see where I am stuck? If I fail, I am doomed, and if I succeed, Interpol will start writing a notice on a recycled paper about me and would paint its corners red.

Two things I have not yet understood. One, why these fellows from the association do not dislike the Interpol – in fact they flaunt their red-corner painted notices with sheer pride. And two, why they like each other so much – they never harm members of a right wing, even if they are not from their bloody religion. In fact, how do they work with each other so well.

Most of the members of Extreme Right Wing are looking forward to the picnic on 21st December. To confess, I am too – if only to ensure that I survive to see the Doomsday.

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Doomsday scenario: What could have been…

I saw the following news item today (26th October, 2012):

Guatemala’s Mayan people accused the government and tour groups on Wednesday of perpetuating the myth that their calendar foresees the imminent end of the world for monetary gain.

“We are speaking out against deceit, lies and twisting of the truth, and turning us into folklore-for-profit. They are not telling the truth about time cycles,” charged Felipe Gomez, leader of the Maya alliance Oxlaljuj Ajpop.

My first reaction was – “Et tu Mayans, then fall doomsday.”

But does one really need to be that pessimistic?

I fear one does. (Warning: Those who did not pay taxes this year, and those who have purchased costly Doomsday kits are not likely to find this article amusing.)

The doomsday is every-day, like mothers’ day, for we are dying every day – of cancer and pollution and terror and apathy. As on date, a one-off climax seems unlikely.

A shame really, for it could have ended a number of things at one go – like – religious hatred, dependence on petroleum, global warming, celebrity news, politicians in general and Obama-Romney election campaign in particular.

The suspicious characters snooping around my blog (see earlier posts on the subject), seem to have changed jobs. Or else they now know that I too am clueless, and are snooping around Assange now. If they are, they are wasting their time. All that they would get there would be clueless US officials exchanging cables (in times of internet) with their embassy staff around the world, discussing, confidentially, what is commonly known and openly written about in newspapers.

It doesn’t take ‘intellegence’ to know the kind of dope that Assange would give them:

“Top Secret: US Embassy at Tehran to Washington: Iran may be on to something. Our sources saw a masseur going into the Presidential compound. Kindly advise further action…..”

(A return cable from Washington, three days later) “Hire that masseur. Independent verification shows he is good. We hinted to NYT that Iran is on to something. The idiots read too much into the tip and published a front page scoop naming un-named sources in foreign office that Iran has already tested a nuclear device of unknown power. Try to limit the damage in your private talks with the authorities in Iran. Convey our private apologies. We will, however, not confirm or deny the reports here. Chio.”

This sort of intelligence gathering does not lead to world wars, even of the Saddam kind. In fact, with the Saddam fiasco, all dictators have lost appetite for stupid ‘satellite / cable / channel’ wars, where they are sure to lose, whatever they do. No one is likely to succeed where even masters like Comical Ali failed to win laughs or audience sympathy.

Doomsday would have had a salutary effect on World Economy, which seems to have become a problem child, always seeking attention. The cockroaches, the most likely survivors of any medium sized doomsday, would have cared two hoots for New York Exchange, or the right rate for the dollar. It would also have solved the dilemma over EU, which has been exercising the minds of Europeans since the time of Napoleon.

Meanwhile, the kids can be given following essay topics to keep them occupied: What I will do on the Doomsday, or, What I will tell God when I reach heaven on Doomsday. They just might come up with something remotely funny. As for me, I give up on this article, which seems to be going nowhere, just like our world.

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Doomsday scenarios get complicated: We are doomed.

 

 

 

It is really sad to see people making money on Doomsday. (It is sad to see them do so in any situation, but on Doomsday!!! Pathetic.)

Sad, because, you know, where will they use it? I firmly believe that those who are making money in the name of Doomsday are not the ones who believe in it – they are the Non-believers.

Amazon has 1,972 books listed on Doomsday, including one titled – Doomsday Prepping Crash Course: The Ultimate Preppers Guide to Getting Prepared When You’re on a Tight Budget (Aug 2012).

Then there is a website – Kickstarter.com which is taking bookings for the doomsday (like I predicted in my earlier bogs). It says-

Just Getting Started!

We’re only one week into the campaign and our project is already over 40% funded! Thanks to everyone who has pledged so far! 

The booking of guests is underway and we’ll have details on that in another update. We looked into having an actual asteroid collide with the theater during the event, but it turned out to be cost prohibitive. We’re also looking into the possibility of live-streaming the event, which will go from possible to probable if we exceed our goal, so please tell friends and random strangers about this project and encourage them to donate! The future is looking good (as little of it as there may be)! 

Guys, I am not making this up. Check the net – there are many sites like this.

Then there is another site- Ultimatesurvival.net. It has the following post on home page-

Doomsday Survival Bunkers Are Real (September 21, 2012 )

I’ve seen a lot of responses to the Nibiru/Planet X videos posted on Youtube and there have been many who have tried to deny that the government knows anything about what is coming our way. Whether it be a pole shift or killer solar flares around the end of the Mayan calendar on December 21, 2012, people are getting ready for something. This video shows that even some average Joes out there are throwing their money into their doomsday shelters in preparation for the apocalypse. If you haven’t made your preparations, time is running out. You don’t need a massive bunker to survive, but you do need to plan. Click Here for practical planning tips!

 

Now we come to the real issue for today, and that is – Planet X or Nibiru. I shall quote NASA scientist David Morrison who has studied the subject in some detail-

“Nibiru, supposedly a planet discovered by the Sumerians, is headed toward Earth. Zecharia Sitchin, who writes fiction about the ancient Mesopotamian civilization of Sumer, claimed in several books (e.g., The Twelfth Planet, published in 1976) that he has found and translated Sumerian documents that identify the planet Nibiru, orbiting the Sun every 3,600 years.

Then Nancy Lieder, a self-declared psychic who claims she communicates with aliens, wrote on her Web site ZetaTalk that inhabitants of a fictional planet around the star Zeta Reticuli warned her that the Earth was in danger from Planet X, or Nibiru. This catastrophe was initially predicted for May 2003, but when nothing happened, the doomsday date was moved to December 2012.

These two Nibiru fables were greatly amplified when linked with the turn-over of the Mayan long-count calendar at or near the winter solstice of 2012. Many Web sites sprang up declaring that December 21, 2012, would be the end of the world, a time of violent physical and spiritual transformation—never mind that the real end for Mayan civilization came several hundred years earlier with the European invasion of the Americas.

Most of the so-called Nibiru photos on the Web are lens flare produced when a camera points at a bright source, an artifact also responsible for many UFO photos. As it approaches Earth, of course, Nibiru should be increasing in brightness. In fact, if it were going to be inside Earth’s orbit in three years, it should have already reached naked-eye visibility, and tens of thousands of astronomers, both amateur and professional, would be tracking it.

As the story grows in complexity, many more doomsday scenarios are being suggested, often unrelated to Nibiru. These include a reversal of the Earth’s magnetic field, severe solar storms associated with the eleven-year solar cycle (which may peak in 2012), a reversal of Earth’s rotation axis, a 90 degree flip of the rotation axis, bombardment by large comets or asteroids, and bombardment by gamma rays or various unspecified lethal rays coming from the center of the Milky Way Galaxy or the “dark rift” seen in a nearby galactic spiral arm. A major theme has become celestial alignments, which fascinate laypersons. Supposedly, the Sun will align with the galactic center (or maybe with the Milky Way Dark Rift) on December 21, 2012, subjecting us to potentially deadly forces.”

But enough of hard facts and scientific jargon. Doomsday trackers and enthusiasts are looking at the wrong places. I would look at humans and their madness for the final scene, the ending. I am sure the match for the final boom will be lighted by us, not aliens, or their planets.

The cartoons, the right-wing, fanatical film makers and their protester friends, between them, have taken on the gauntlet. They are trying their best to live up to the deadline set by the Mayan calendar makers. And they might just succeed.

But till then, let the capitalist spirit boom, let a thousand ventures be launched. If nothing else, sheer greed will lead us to the much awaited Doomsday – sooner, rather than later.

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