Post Doomsday: be prepared for the worst

images-1_0So you messed up by believing in the doomsday and did not go to office. What? You also used some choicest language with your boss, when he called you up?

Although D-day is still a couple of days from now, for me it is time to prepare some excuses for you for 22nd.

And no, it does not make me any the less believer than any of you, but, unlike the other preppers, I am preparing for life (not death) post 21st.

So here goes the first, and tentative, list of excuses for the boss for 22nd:

  1. Ha, ha. I did peck you up on a depressing day, didn’t I?
  2. I was told by my astrologer to misbehave with the person I respected most. He said going against your instincts is the only way to ward off disaster. I think it worked.

Anyway, the exact phrasing of the excuses will depend on what you had said, but the basic idea is to appeal through emotions or humor, whichever is your strong point.

Now that the Mayan calendar will be out of the way, the soothsayers will have to go back to Nostradamus or Nibiru. Business as usual. Do you believe that they would be remorseful, and change their ways? Not a chance. Do you feel they would hide in the Andes, fly from the public wrath? No. They would be saying something like – “I told you so. It was all bogus. I know the world is going to end NEXT APRIL….”

Coming to life in general, give a thought to the empty coffers and hangovers on 22nd. No use blaming the Mayans – one, they are not around, and second, they never predicted anything. Only one of their calendars ended on a particular date. It is like, on 31st our calendars end, so we should assume that the world will end that day. Right?

Life will go on with its pollution, inequality, misery, insensitivity and with threat to everything that is nice and wholesome. The end will come, eventually, but it will be a slow and painful end. Hopefully the end is still some centuries away. The way to prepare for life is to create a cocoon of happiness around you, and hope sufficient number of like-minded people will gravitate towards you and create a small biosphere of goodness.

Anyway, to cheer you gloomy lot up, here are some D-day jokes that I thought of, posted on the FB, and nobody noticed.

Doomsday mini questionnaire:
With whom would you like to spend your Doomsday?
a) Spouse – so that you don’t feel any difference
b) Boss – to tell him some facts of life
c) TV – committed till the end
d) Alone – to think of things not done


What would you do on Doomsday?
a) Check bank account
b) Update fb status
c) Tweet your feelings
d) Pray

The last Tweets–
Indian: Did Sachin retire?
Israeli: The Arabs are doing this
Pakistani: Did we do that?@#$

On reaching heaven, the first words–
Indian asks God: Did you get all the sweets I used to offer? (No harm reminding Him of the investment.)
Arab asks the Houri: Why are you not wearing a Burqa?
American: Where’s the beach?
Israeli: Where are the Palestinians living?
Bush: Where is Saddam?
Osama: Where is Obama?
Bill Gates: What’s Steve (Jobs) upto?


Reading such horrendous jokes makes you wonder whether doomsday was really such a bad idea, doesn’t it? Weeeelllll, you do have a point there.


About Abhishek

I will let the blog speak for itself...or, at times, for me. View all posts by Abhishek

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