How to have a great Doomsday: Another Top Ten list

Great thought needs to be put into proper planning for the Doomsday. It matters little whether the Doomsday is near or not, proper planning for such an important day in our lives is sheer common-sense. We would feel silly, spending the last evening of our lives watching soaps on the telly or updating our fb status with something silly like ‘love conquers all’ or ‘have a great day’. I propose the following with the aim of having a perfect doomsday – a doomsday to remember for the rest of our after-lives.

  1. Put George Bush(Jr) back into the White House. That would help the ‘fireworks’ department. The guy knows how to setup a spectacular show, and can rope in the CNN for a live.
  2. Make George Lucas, Steven Spielberg, James Cameron and of course Roland Emmerich (of the 2012 fame) the masters of the ceremony. They know how to get the event done up in style. We do not want a damp-squib show at the climax.
  3. Plan the main event in one of the European cities. Paris, London or Berlin, (or even Madrid or Athens). That would be a great backdrop for the Doomday. Manhattan, however spectacular, would be boring since we have seen the city hit by disasters too many times on the silver screen.
  4. Advertise the event/day properly on all media, and hint a sequel. Cast some great celebs in the promos. That will grab attention, and lend positive vibe to the event. I propose we rope in Lady Gaga, Paris Hilton, Angelina Jolie, Monica Bellucci and Justin Bieber for the main event and the promos. Leak stories on what they would be wearing on the D-day, where they would like to spend their last evening, and with whom.
  5. Leave out the third world from the event. (Even if D-day hits the third world they would not know any difference from their daily existence. There is a chance that the D-day may not be too comprehensive, and may ignore the third world. Cockroaches and rats too are slated to survive.) In any case, most TV stations in the third world would relay live the Reuters feed of the event, and will feel for the tragedy that shall befall the rich and the famous.
  6. Plan a lot of flights to Moon and Mars for the super-rich. No one on these flights will survive, but it would be the last hurrah for the rich, the last stab of snobbery, the last injection of jealousy that they will give to the rest of the world.
  7. Call a UN General Assembly meet to decide on the goals for the next millennia.
  8. Plan the D-day on a holiday. It would be no fun to watch the D-day from the office window, trying to justify the shortfall in sales target, or to reach home, tired and depressed, to find that all that you did in the day does not matter. (In any case most of what you do in office does not matter, but D-day would rip off the façade and makes office work seem even more useless.)
  9. Keep the cult leaders, gurus, priests, Doomsday experts at bay. They are likely to be pretty irritating on that day with their ‘I told you so’ and ‘repent in leisure’ and ‘pray for forgiveness’ type of rant. They would hog the limelight, and be too verbose. In any case ‘sin throughout life and ask for forgiveness at the end’ is a pretty dastardly approach to after-life. Be a man – be ready to face the consequences of living the high-life, to give a plausible explanation for your sly affairs and your smart schemes that are likely to be dubbed as ‘cheating’ by the holy account keepers.
  10. Do invest in falling stock market. This is a contrarian advice, but well considered. If the D-day fizzles out for some reason (Geroge Bush for example), you would hit a jackpot. If D-day is a hit, money would cease to matter in any case, so practically you would lose nothing.

As you can see, this is a well thought-out, practical plan for what would undoubtedly be a very important day for the world. It amazes me that so little has been done so far. There is, in any case, no harm in being prepared – doomsday will strike, sooner or later, the way we are hurtling towards a total economic-social-ecological collapse, fully conscious, determined and with a single minded devotion.

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About Abhishek

I will let the blog speak for itself...or, at times, for me. View all posts by Abhishek

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