Choosing the right career: Top professions of our times (Another top ten list)

Times have changed – no really, I am not bluffing, this time they have. I have prepared a list of top ten get-rich-fast professions/careers, based on solid research. If I do not give actual examples and names along with this list, it is because, (a) everybody knows who the top dogs in each profession are, and how they have reached there, and (b) I want to live a little longer.

Now for the top ten get-rich-fast professions/careers:

1. Looters of the natural resources. These come in three basic categories- (a) Mining (including oil, coal and other minerals like iron ore, bauxite, aluminium and even stones!!), (b) land or real estate and (c) spectrum.

(Spectrum really came as a welcome addition to the scarce resources that can be looted with the help of the ruling class.)

The beauty of the game is that this looting provides a short cut to the No.1 businessman position and with it comes all trappings of respectability. You just cannot go wrong with this one, wherever in the world you are.

Earlier it was the sovereign right of the powerful nations to loot the natural resources (of anybody’s land), but now the political class has outsourced the process of looting to the crooks, who shall be called, from here on, businessmen.

2. The arms dealers. You cannot go too wrong with this one. Again, it is the political class which needs these middle-men, though I really do not understand why they do not cut the commission agents and directly deduct their ‘n’ percent.

3. The politicians. Left, right or centre, they are the ones who own the world. There is no need to be squeamish about the fact that they are the ‘rulers’ and the rest of us are the ‘ruled’. This profession is open to all in a democracy, and there should not be unnecessary jealousy about their riches. It may however surprise some that they figure third on this list. I feel that the average income of this class is being reduced by the cranky do-gooders, the honest types, the self-appointed world changers. Also, the Return on Investment is also unfavorable compared to the two categories mentioned above.

4. The celebrity. Not an actor, not a rockstar – it is the celebrity that has it all. Here, some examples would clear the picture – Paris Hilton, Kim Kardashian, Poonam Pandey, Rakhi Sawant. Predominently female, this tribe has mastered the art of raking in the moolah without doing anything. To launch this career with a sex-tape, or even with a hint of one, can only be a work of a genius, or a ‘celebrity’. Since there is no investment involved, the RoI is infinite.

5. Pimping and drug peddling: Now this is not as bad as it sounds. Think of Dominique Strauss-Kahn. Sounds better already? Think of any huge metropolis, and the shiny Mercs. I am told half of them are owned by pimps and drug peddlers. Sounds even better now? The whole ball game is to play it at the right level, on the proper scale. Include lateral branches of this business – sports betting, casinos, escort services, and providing odd assistance to the four categories that precede this one, and you know that there will never be an off-season for this class of professionals.

6. Doctors: Aligned with the health insurance guys, the doctors are rocking and rolling (in money). That they figure below the drug peddlers is again because of the crack-pots in their profession, who bring down the averages, by parking themselves in shanties and the villages and getting bit by mosquitoes for no apparent reason.

7. Lawyers: The traditional leaders of the pack have fallen into bad times, since the top five categories now maintain such good relations with each other that they do not need to meet each other in the law courts much these days. But when they do, there is the black-coat to see to it that the wealth is equitably re-distributed.

8. The Social media owners: A small and exclusive class that rules the world by pampering to people’s egos. Killing the publishing industry, and taking over the gaming industry are their main hobbies. They have an eye on the movie industry and the mobile industry also. Too bad there is scope for only a few here.

9. The new age Gurus: Needed by all the above and also the rest of greedy mankind, the Gurus are laughing all the way to the banks. Yoga, meditation, or simply washing off the sins – they have a long product line. They are branching off to healing and spas, rehabilitation and old-age services these days. The land of the Gurus, India, is exporting their services at a good rate, and the country’s balance of payment is probably helped by the remittances by these Gurus, or donations to them by the ‘poor’ rich of the West.

10. Coaching centres: Not education. This field is different. It is the bye-product of an overpopulated world. They promise survival and are the last recourse for the hungry middle class youth. They are the hyenas who feed on the carcass of society, if we may use imagery from the ‘laws of the jungle’.

As a word of caution, I shall end with a list of absolute NO-NO careers if you want to make it good:

  • Farming, unless you are fed up with the world and want an excuse to commit suicide,
  • Manufacturing – no one does it in the West now. It is way too messy and old fashioned, and
  • Teaching, Writing, Science, Researching – These are now at par with the call-centre jobs in terms of return on investment, so be very careful with people who seek to inspire you to take up these noble professions.

***

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About Abhishek

I will let the blog speak for itself...or, at times, for me. View all posts by Abhishek

2 responses to “Choosing the right career: Top professions of our times (Another top ten list)

  • V.B. Arora

    Nice package! However, I missed the journalists or to be more specific TV journos in the top ten list. And won’t you like to add Judges at No. 7 with Lawyers ?
    V.B. Arora

    • Abhishek

      As for the journos, they can come after this top ten. Maybe Cricketers at 11 and Media houses at 12. But I cannot comment on the Lordships – I value my liberty. (Also, I can go against my father-a lawyer, but not against my grandfather- who was a judge.)

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