Impact of Social Media: A Top ten list

• Everyone has become beautiful: Just look at any photograph on a social media site and you would realize that a beauty revolution/miracle has struck the world. No one is plain/ugly. If you don’t agree, you are not the social media. [[Impact: people meet each other only on social media; rise and rise of stocks of cosmetic companies; photo-editing skills become basic survival tool.]]

• Everyone has become a genius: Going by the profound one-liners, pithy poems and awesome jokes, it seems all my dullard friends (and me) have suddenly been allotted brains. [[Impact: conversations are banned – people just dole out wisdom; google replaces natural memory.]]

• Everyone has become a celebrity: 20,000 followers on Twitter! 345 likes on a comment on Facebook!! We are the new celebrities. At a time when your “I am feeling sleepy” status update shakes the world, Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian can rightly claim to be the Goddesses of the brave new world. [[Impact: round-the-clock status updates for the fans, daily changing profile pics, words of wit and wisdom – one works hard for one’s fans.]]

• Everyone has become a nationalist, humanist, activist: There are no bribe-givers, no litterbugs, no rule breakers, no criminals / thieves / thugs / rapists / criminals now. All of us remember our forgotten heroes, we celebrate our national days with fervor, we are vocal in lambasting the corrupt politicians – the citizen has finally struck the ‘model’ code. [[Impact: National flag has become the new God – Woe betides anyone who holds the national flag upside down, or who puts a foot in the vicinity of one.]]

• Every problem has a perfect solution: On Twitter, it takes 140 character, and on Facebook, it takes about 10 sentences to solve any problem in the world. The world economy is being run better by the World Bank because of the tips the director gets (for free) on his Facebook account daily. Obama caught Osama (or was it the other way around) because he was advised by the netizens to do so. [[Impact: The world has become a happier place, where there is no need for negotiating, compromising, surrendering; and there is obviously no losing, crying, dying…]]

• Every infant is a born movie star: Since the ‘Charlie bit me’ phenomena hit the youtube, parents have been chasing the toddlers with camcorders, and putting up clips of their awesome (not awful, please read carefully) performances. The future of film industry is secure – all this talent will no doubt have an impact!!! [[Impact: all the gadgets now come with a camera; storage-servers of youtube will be kept on Moon – there is little space left on Earth.]]

• Office has become fun: Scrabble, Farmville and hundreds of other games on Facebook has made the office hours tolerable. It is of minor consequence that productivity has fallen. However, nobody notices – all the bosses are on the social media too. [[Impact: Better atmospherics in the office, less gossip, less back-biting, less bossism.]]

• War, corruption, crime have come down: Who has the time? Since all the people are on the net, posting pictures, playing games, raking in the ‘likes’ for their status updates or advising the world leaders how to run the world, there is no one left to actually fight the wars, bribe the politicians etc. So, in short, the world is becoming a better place. [[Impact: Stocks crash for the defense production related industry.]]

• Reality is banished: Not by anyone – reality just fades away into history. Try telling someone (not posting on facebook/twitter) that there are people without food, that they are dying in civil wars, that there is inequality and crime or that the world is facing global warming. Just try it – if you can find anyone to listen to you. [[Impact: No one knows.]]

• Everyone is in love…with themselves: What mirror could not do, Social media has done. Narcissus fell in love seeing his image in a pond – we have fallen in love with ourselves, seeing ourselves on the social media site. We never knew we were so awesome!!! [[Impact: psychiatrists go out of business – no one has any self-doubt anymore; relationships, marriages and divorces have started looking so out-of-fashion.]]

(Courtesy: Social Network)

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